It’s a hard thing to do- turning failure on its head. It demands great skill mentally and often phsically too. At some point however, we have to stop and realise… There are blessings to be counted.
I’m quite surprised about my speedy recovery from the ‘unsuccessful pass’ rate (that’s a ‘fail’ from the exam board) granted to me earlier this term. Technically I should still be suffering from failure symptoms by dwelling in self-pity, spiralling into depression and convincing myself I’m no good. Afterall, if the 19 year olds who were ‘claiming’ to write their essays while still high on drugs and alcohol could pass the 1st year, why couldn’t I?
I’ll confess counting my blessings is not an exercise I often par part take in. I’m my own worst critic and at times, my own enemy. Who would see the blessing in failing a year at university? Another year which will bring me closer to 30 and still be in a class full of 19 year olds. But like my aunt says ‘education has no age boundary’. So what? I ‘unsuccessfully passed’ the year- the world hasn’t stopped and the ground hasn’t swallowed me and spat me out. Guess I have to move on.
And that’s exactly what I did. With a little motivation… (Who am I kidding?!) A lot of motivation, I picked myself up and searched for the next available opportunity.
They say when one door closes, another one opens. I could have allowed myself to be shut in a dark room without switching on the lights to find a window or indeed another door open.
I woke up this morning thinking how blessed I am. This time tomorrow I’ll be on a flight to Brazil with endless opportunities awaiting me that no lecture room can offer. A new langauge to learn, culture to experience and friendships to be made (try failing me on that unit Mr Exam Board!) Don’t ask me where this new found positivity is coming from. I have a feeling my yoga sessions have something to do with it. ‘Be concious of every breath…’ ‘Thank your body for it’s hard work…’ are amongst some of the calming words the instructors use. So mind is in a good place… and my beach body is in progress!
No hard feels towards the tutor that ‘unsuccessfully passed’ me or the exam board that agreed… I would however recommend they give yoga a try. It can ease a lot of tension. Namaste.